Of Shy Literature Enthusiasts and Budding Feelings
by Wish Upon Dreams
Summary: AU. When Kirishima Touka meets Kaneki Ken for the first time, the last thing she expects is to be successfully charmed by his kind yet awkwardly shy nature.


**Summary:** AU. When Kirishima Touka meets Kaneki Ken for the first time, the last thing she expects is to be successfully charmed by his kind yet awkwardly shy nature.

 **Note:** Originally meant to be a companion story to "Of Helpful Best Friends and Ideal Birthdays" but this actually works as a stand alone story too :)

* * *

It's nowhere close to being love at first sight.

(Not that she believes in something so idealistic - she's not as naive or trusting or excited about the thought of it as her friend Yoriko)

If anything, to put it bluntly, it's more like _annoyance_ at first sight.

She chalks it up to the exceedingly large bag of novels by his side, its once vast depth crammed to its utmost. The sizable brand new tomes, bright and bold ( _and not at all what she wants to see at the moment)_ , catching her eye as soon as she leaves her place behind the counter and trudges reluctantly over to his table.

It's not exactly his fault, she supposes, and a part of her realizes that she's not being entirely _fair_ in her judgement, but she's had a shitty day, and with the lousy score on her literature exam still lingering on her mind, the mere sight of them does little to ease her sour mood.

"Your order?" She asks, once, and when he continues to flip through the novel in his hand, she clears her throat and repeats herself. This time, it comes out a little louder and a little more curt than intended and she winces.

The last thing she needs is to be lectured by shitty Nishiki on her etiquette - not that he can talk much about proper manners with the words he himself chooses to use, but it's still something she wants to avoid if at all possible.

Her status as the poster girl of Anteiku is not something to be taken lightly. If word were to ever get out about her real personality to her customers, well ... she doesn't really want to think about it.

Ignorance is bliss, or so they say.

After a nod to her coworker, Irimi-san, she takes a deep breath, plasters a smile on her face (one which she hopes does not look unnatural) and turns back to the boy, echoing her earlier question.

 _It's about time_ , she thinks, somewhat irritated, when he finally looks up and catches sight of her waiting, notepad in hand, in front of him.

She pretends not to notice the slight widening of his eyes, nor the colour rising to the very tips of his ears as he dips his head and scans through the menu.

"Cappuccino," he announces after a moment of deliberation, and she quickly races away before he has the chance to apologize.

Stoic and angry people she could handle.

Bashful people, on the other hand...not so much.

* * *

And wasn't he ever so bashful with the way he would always hide behind those books of his whenever she was around.

Was he a good customer?

Yes - he ordered a lot and was very polite.

Did she think he was a bit weird?

Without a doubt.

(She revises her judgement, loosening it up a little once he finally initiates conversation with her some more, but if he thought she was oblivious to those glances he was giving her from over the top of his novels then he was the very definition of a dimwit.)

* * *

It takes two months of him frequenting Anteiku before Touka considers him a regular.

Sometimes he orders a cappuccino, other times a latte. Once he even tries out a cup of coffee devoid of any milk and sugar, and she has to hide her smirk behind her serving tray when he coughs, blanching at the sharp bitter aftertaste.

" _Careful_ ," she warns as she passes by, unable to suppress her amusement, "that coffee isn't for everyone."

Perhaps it's out of some weird sense of pity, or maybe she feels partly responsible for his choice (he _had_ asked her what her favourite type of coffee was on his last visit), but she finds herself doodling her special rabbit latte art for him on his next order.

(She curses later on, after her shift, when she has to evade Nishiki's grin and wisecracks at her small act of kindness.)

* * *

It happens one day, about four months after his initial visit to Anteiku ... her first outburst directed towards him, that is.

The beginning of her shift starts out fine, and she's able to keep her "sweet and approachable" waitress routine going, but her attention is periodically drawn to the sniffling boy in the corner who, she has suspicions, is down with a cold.

A cough here, a cough there, and she can already feel her smile slipping as she brews his cup of coffee.

She's had enough time to figure out that his name is Kaneki Ken and that he's a student at Kamii University, the school nearby. (Not to mention, a classical literature major at that.)

A large school with large expectations, she wouldn't be surprised if he was getting sick due to stress. But that didn't mean she had to feel too sorry for him. After all, it was his own choice to drop by Anteiku so the blame lay solely on himself if his fever got any worse.

Still, as she approaches him, she can't stop the tiny spark of sympathy from arising at the sight of his flushed cheeks.

 _I'm too much of a softie, perhaps even more so than otou-san had once been._

Maybe it's out of irritation (at her thoughts? At his obliviousness to his own state? She doesn't know), but she slams the cup down a bit too roughly on his table when delivering his order and, while she doesn't mean for it to happen, some of the coffee sloshes up and over the sides.

Kaneki sputters in shock, drawing the attention of a few of the more zealous ghoul regulars in the tiny shop, and she offers a short glare in the guise of an apology for disturbing them. If they were as smart as they claimed they were, then they would heed her silent warning.

(Fortunately for her, they seemed to be, and she's able to quickly return to the problem at hand.)

She prepares herself to grab a cloth to clean up the mess, only to clench her teeth and pause mid-step when she spies the boy's hand dart forward as if meaning to steady the cup. As luck would have it, however, he only succeeds in knocking it fully askew when he sneezes.

 _Seriously? Of all the-_

Inwardly grumbling over the new turn of events, she acts fluidly when he begins to panic and scramble to cover his book with his palms, roughly shoving his hand out of the way and out of danger of being scorched by the steaming liquid.

(The moron, unlike herself, is not a ghoul and the burn would have taken some time to heal.)

The end result is a few stained pages, and while he seems to be more affected by the state of his book then himself, she is unable to stop her temper from flaring.

"It's just a stupid book, isn't it?" The words fall out of her mouth so easily, _too easily,_ but even as she notices Kaneki's startled expression at her brusque behaviour - a deviation from her normal attitude towards him, she can't bring herself to care and pushes him out the door with a glare. "Go home, lie down, and get some proper rest before you get our other customers sick as well!"

Later, once the adrenaline has worn off, and she reflects on her actions and demeanor, she has the fleeting thought that maybe, after how she'd treated him so rudely, it wouldn't be such a farfetched idea that she might never see that bookworm in Anteiku again.

And as she tucks herself in for the night, she finds herself perturbed by the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought.

* * *

It was foolish of her to have wasted a night or two thinking about it.

Kaneki comes back the next week, once more with a satchel full of books, and treats her none the different.

 _An idiot,_ she labels him, when he sees her and brightens, waving her over with a certain rosiness to his cheeks.

 _A definite idiot._

But perhaps the bigger idiot is her, when she realizes that her smiles towards him are becoming more and more genuine.

* * *

"If you want, I can help you with your troubles in classic literature," Kaneki offers, out of the blue, as her exams approach. It's her weak point, that much is true but...

"What would I owe you?"

If it's one thing she hates, it's having to rely on others.

"Ah! No, that's-"

He stammers, and stutters, and scratches at his cheek, and although she's facing away from them, she can sense Koma and Nishiki grinning at her from behind the counter, her suspicions more or less proven true when the latter begins snickering as he rinses the dishes.

Kaneki's blond haired friend - Hide or something - is no better, as she soon finds out, when he laughs out loud and nudges him in the shoulder.

"A date!" he sneakily whispers, cutting in to her thoughts (and Kaneki's speech) with a wink, and she has to fight back the urge to toss him a dirty look - was everyone eavesdropping on their conversation? Didn't they have anything better to do?

But it serves its purpose and the flustered boy in front of her finally reacts.

"Huh?" Kaneki blinks, and then blinks again, and raises his hands as soon as he finishes processing his laughing friend's words." _Hide!_ Wait I - I didn't mean it that way Touka-chan! I just want to he-"

He continues rambling but she's only half listening.

 _Touka-chan_

She wonders if he even realizes it, how he had smoothly transitioned from calling her Kirishima-san to Touka-chan.

She won't be the one to bring it to his attention though - she'd leave that to his noisy pal. It was just a name so it wasn't like she cared or anything, but it didn't seem too horrible coming from him.

"Will my special rabbit latte art do for repayment then?"

His beaming bright smile is all the answer she needs.

* * *

It's not that bad studying with him.

Kaneki actually listens to her complaints, and she doesn't feel like he's judging her whenever she gets bored or makes a mistake.

She's never truly entertained the thought of going to University, always wondering if she would even survive long enough to have that privilege, but his enthusiasm is contagious and with the rest of Anteiku cheering her on (especially Hinami who sometimes sits in whenever Kaneki helps her), it fills her with the drive to put her utmost effort into it.

* * *

Yoriko notices her changes.

But not until after she'd already gone on a trip to the bookstore with him, courtesy of his friend's meddling.

"Kaneki?" Her friend sounds incredulous as she drops her pair of chopsticks with a clatter, "Eh!? Touka-chan!? A bookstore date? No way!"

After pouting a bit at being the last one to know, her friend is more than ready to hear all about it. The more she talks about the events of that day in December (Kaneki's birthday), the more excited Yoriko gets until she's all but glowing as if she had been the one on the outing.

"I like to hear about you enjoying yourself with others," Yoriko manages to sound teary as she speaks and Touka lets out an exasperated breath.

"Don't say such mushy things."

Though she may be snappy with her from time to time, her best friend is a kind and gentle soul, and Touka is sincerely glad to have met her.

 _Thank you Yoriko_

* * *

Things had been progressing smoothly, maybe _too smoothly_ for a ghoul such as herself.

She had been successfully preparing for the University entrance exams at Kamii (and with Kaneki's help, she could actually say that she was confident in her ability to pass them!), there hadn't been any real threats from the doves, and business in Anteiku was better than ever.

So the sight of her younger brother leaning against the wall in the side alley of the coffee shop provided for a rather bittersweet surprise.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asks, as coolly as she can, as she brushes past him on her way to throw out the trash. She tries to calm the ache in her heart as she examines him surreptitiously out of the corner of her eye, huffing a bit when he simply ignores her, "At least let me know that you're alright every once in a while."

It had been some time since they had last seen each other and while it was nice of Yomo-san to update her on his status now and then, there was nothing more reassuring then being able to confirm his safety for herself.

The next few minutes are quiet, save for the rustling of bags as she empties the contents into the large bin, and just when she resigns herself to receiving no reply, Ayato finally takes the opportunity to answer her.

"Maybe I would if you stopped playing around with those humans," he mouths off, haughtily, at her concern and she bristles, her irritation spiking.

 _It figures._

She didn't know what she had been expecting.

"Ayato," she manages to get out, grinding her heel into the gravel under her foot as she mimics his stance, arms crossing against her chest. "I'm not going to stop being friends with Yoriko."

She readies herself for another snappy retort, anticipating something akin to him criticizing her for always eating the food Yoriko makes, and is therefore caught off guard by the actual words that fall from his mouth.

"Who said anything about that overly cheery girl." His reply is terse and when her brows furrow in confusion, he jerks his head in the direction of the farthest table in the back where, through the window, she can spot Kaneki sitting engrossed in his literature as he waits for her shift to finish, "I'm talking about that dark haired idiot over there who you've been meeting with recently."

He looks almost eager as he adds "should I finish him off?" and her cheeks burn a bright red in both embarrassment and anger as she realizes Ayato had been observing her outings with Kaneki while she had been unaware.

 _That brat._

With a glare, she advances on him, but her ire only succeeds in making him laugh.

"Easy there aneki! I promised otou-san that I would look out for you," he sounds amused by her reaction, "and what kind of brother would I be if I didn't try to talk you out of your meetings with a shitty human."

 _Shitty human?!_

She loved Ayato, she really and truly did, but there was no way she was going to let him talk about Kaneki like that. Not when Ayato didn't know a single damn thing about him.

"Take it back," she growls, incensed, roughly pushing him further into the dark alley and away from any possible prying human eyes, her kakugan flaring, "He's not like th-"

"He's not like the others?" Ayato mocks, taunting her with the appearance of his ukaku wings, so similar to her own, "So naive! After what happened to otou-san, you still think that way? How would you know? Have you even _told him_?"

" _I_ -"

She starts and stops, the words catching in her throat as her anger ebbs, replaced by guilt.

She hadn't.

That much was true.

Even so, she fully intended to tell him eventually, when she managed to gather enough courage for it.

(She doesn't expect for Kaneki to find out that very moment, when he comes barreling into Ayato, shoving him back with a force she hadn't imagined him capable of, but then again he had always managed to surprise her.)

"I - I won't let you hurt her," he trembles as he speaks, standing firm as he shields her from her very own brother, and despite the surreal situation, she feels oddly touched.

"You're a gallant one aren't you," Ayato spits out when he regains his bearings, kagune still blazing brightly in the dark of the night, and she grimaces when he continues, "protecting a ghoul when you're just a weak human. Aneki could eat you up in a second, you know."

She pales and glances at Kaneki, but he faces forward, determination etched into his features despite his palpable fear.

"That may be the case but I like your sister," Kaneki's hand winds its way around her own as if drawing strength from her touch, and she warms. "As long as she feels the same way and wants me around, you'll just have to deal with me too."

It's embarrassing the surge of happiness she experiences at his bold words.

(He'd shyly called her beautiful before, when it had been just the two of them, but for him to be so forward in front of another, especially when said person was her brother, was a new occurrence.)

Suddenly, she wants nothing more than to be alone with him.

"Ayato, we'll talk about this together later, okay? I promise. Please, just stop," she implores, softly, wearily, just wanting the confrontation to be over with already and while her brother grits his teeth and glares, he complies.

"So sickening," his expression flickers from disappointment to disgust as he stares at the pair of them, lingering on their entwined hands. "You're just as weak as otou-san and okaa-san. _"_

And then he backs away, disappearing into the shadows.

It's only then that Kaneki relaxes, swiveling around to face her with an "are you alright?" before sagging against her in relief when she nods, forehead coming to rest against the crook of her neck.

He exhales at that point, and as he nuzzles her cheek, entangling his hands in her long flowing hair, she hears him softly murmur "thank goodness" and grips him just a little bit tighter.

* * *

"I'm genuinely surprised that you're a ghoul," he confesses after her work shift the following day, once they're safely ensconced in her apartment, "the possibility never even crossed my mind."

"Oh?" Her laughter is strained, but she supposes it's a fairly reasonable conclusion on his part. Ghouls, in general, were mostly gossiped about and other than the ghoul investigators, few had ever seen them and lived to tell the tale. "I'm well aware that I don't appear the type. Are you scared?"

She braces herself for the answer, fully expecting the affirmative and is not disappointed.

"I was," he replies, seriously, and she turns so that she can avoid his eyes, busying herself with filling the two cups before her with freshly brewed coffee.

"Is that so," she murmurs, trying her utmost to sound unaffected despite her tumultuous inner thoughts. This would be the end of their relationship, wouldn't it? He had spoken those words to her brother in the heat of the moment and now he would retract them.

In all honesty, she had been worried about it since the beginning, always wondering what his reaction to her being a ghoul would be.

Would he laugh it off as a joke? Report her to the CCG? Disappear and leave her with another unhealed wound much like the ones her family had given her?

It was pathetic.

No, that wasn't it.

 _She_ was pathetic for wanting to spend more time with him, wasn't she?

"Hey Touka-chan, won't you look at me?" She does so, cautiously, and his gaze softens as he takes note of her apprehension, "It's true that I initially felt a shred of fear. It may also be the case that I won't ever fully be able to understand the hardships you've had to face in the past, but I've spent the last day giving it some thought and if it's at all possible, I'd like to shoulder the ones to come in the future with you."

She inhales sharply, in disbelief.

Was this real?

Was he actually willing to accept her as she is?

"A real smooth talker, aren't you?" Are the only words she manages to get out, and he grins at her comment, teasing her by reminding her of all the times he'd called her beautiful.

 _Everything's out in the open and all it took were a few simple words - corny ones at that - to make my heart flutter._

She's positive this is the first time her heart has ever raced so fast.

Still...

"You're willing to face future obstacles together with me and I feel happy when you call me beautiful but the truth is," she hesitates, briefly, and then she closes her eyes, reopening them with her kakugan activated."I'm not beautiful at all. I've hurt and killed numerous people in the past because I needed to eat and sometimes just because I was angry. In fact, in another world, you would probably run away and consider me a monster."

"You sound so sure about that," he says, and when she nods with vigor, he rubs the sides of her arms in comfort, "I think that would only be the case if I didn't get the chance to know you. Still don't believe me?"

"Hmm..." she hums, and he frowns, motioning for her to put down the coffee before pulling her along to stand in front of the lone mirror in her room.

She watches, curiously, as he pushes the hair covering her face to the side and pins it back using the rabbit hairclip he had bought for her after she had told him of the Kirishima family love of bunnies.

"You don't see yourself the way that I do," he tells her, resting his chin atop her head and lazily wrapping his arms around her waist, rotating them until they face the mirror together.

In that moment, as she stares at their reflection, she can't help thinking that they look just like any other regular couple. Perhaps he notices this as their eyes meet, and he continues.

"There's more to you than just being a ghoul Touka-chan. I like how outspoken you are and how you don't try to sugarcoat things - I've thought so since that time you corrected me when I was sick."

Was he serious?

"I'm sure many others would ha-"

"That's the thing, Touka-chan," he swiftly interjects, cutting her off as he clings on tighter, "they _could have_ but they didn't. Other than Hide, you're the only one who actually cared enough to step in. It meant a lot to me."

And if the strength of his grip didn't help convince her of how serious he was when he mentioned how big of an event it was for him, the raw emotion in his voice sure did.

"I thought you were only attracted to me for my looks," she jokingly jests in an attempt to lighten up the mood a little, and after a moment, he offers up a watery laugh.

"That's always a lucky bonus for me," he grins, tugging her closer and she pivots to swat him on the arm, "if anything I'm fortunate that no one else managed to notice and steal your heart away before I got the chance."

 _Idiot._

 _A stupidly sweet one at that._

"In all seriousness though, you see that ghoul eye of yours?" He points it out in the mirror, "You don't ever have to be afraid of showing it to me. It's a part of you, right?"

She nods and then their reflections are blocked out as he steps in front of her, whispering for her to close her eyes before he bends down to kiss one eyelid, his lips ghosting over the other, as she grips the hem of his sweater in surprise.

"Touka-chan, ghoul or not, I want you to know that you're important to me," he tells her as he pulls back. "I care about you and I would be heartbroken if you were to die." **_  
_**

He never failed to treat her so preciously and she could only hope that one day she would be able to reciprocate his kindness.

"If that's true then don't..." she trails off, biting her lip, "don't leave me alone."

"I won't," he smiles, and she allows him to kiss her forehead and draw her closer until she is fully enveloped in his embrace.

* * *

She would trust him _,_ she decided.

And on that day, as he gazed down at her adoringly and she melted into the warmth of his arms and sweetness of his lips, she gave him something precious, something she never once believed she would surrender to anyone.

Kirishima Touka gave him her heart and all the love she had to offer along with it. _  
_


End file.
